How to Support Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage

Maternity Care

Tammy George

friends supporting and comforting one another after a miscarriage

Miscarriage is devastating for the couple and their friends and family. Knowing what to say or do to support them can be difficult. Miscarriage is more common than we think with one in four confirmed pregnancies ending in miscarriage.  Chances are several of your family or friends will suffer a miscarriage. Here are some ideas for showing them you care.

What to Say

Not everyone shares the news of an early miscarriage but for those people who do, you want to be able to say the right things to them.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge their loss. Even though you are worried about upsetting the couple by bringing up the topic, it can be worse to ignore it. Tell them you are sorry for their loss. They may or may not want to discuss it any more than this.

If you know what the baby’s due date was going to be, acknowledge it with a quick comment to know you are still thinking of them. A couple can feel like everyone has gone on with their lives and forgotten that they are still coming to terms with the loss.

What Not to Say

Acknowledging a friend’s grief is not something we do on a regular basis so you may be worried that you will upset someone by saying the wrong things. Often there is no known reason or cause for a miscarriage to occur, it just does so don’t try to give her a meaning. Saying things like ‘Maybe there was something wrong with the baby and it was for the best’ won’t make your friend feel better about the loss. It’s also not helpful to say that it was better to have happened earlier rather than later in the pregnancy as she probably doesn’t see it that way.

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How you Can Show your Support

When someone is grieving, they can find everyday life a struggle. They probably won’t feel like cooking for themselves, tidying up the house or constantly caring for their children, if they already have a family. Try to relieve them of some of these chores so they can rest and come to terms with their loss without having to worry about everything else that still needs attention.

Help them out by taking around a meal, particularly one that can be easily frozen if they have already received some meals. Go around to their house and offer to tidy the kitchen and put on a load of washing, so the chores don’t get on top of them and cause undue stress.     

Not everyone wants to be social during a time of grief. If they don’t want to see anyone, drop off some flowers or a gift of chocolates, some books or a home cooked meal on their doorstep and send a text to let them know it’s there.

Everyone deals with loss and grief differently. Your friend or family member may act quite different to how you deal with it. Even if you are very close to them, you may not know how they will react. Acknowledge their pain with a hug and a thoughtful remark to show you care and they will appreciate your kindness.

Maternity

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Tammy George

Please note: Tammy's blog is general advice only. For further information on this topic please consult your healthcare professional.

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